An Open Letter to Albertans

25 or so years ago when I graduated from University, if you had told me I would end up living in Alberta for 17 years I would have told you I was crazy. Somehow I ended up here and it has been good for me. I hope it has been good for you too!

There are a few things about you Albertans that really get on me.

1. The reason Ontario, Quebec and BC get more seats in the House of Commons is that more people live in those provinces. Get over it. And why do you insist upon electing such idiot politicians. For every Joe Clark, Alberta has produced about 20 Rahim Jaffers, Jason Kenneys, Myron Thompsons or for that matter Stephen Harpers. I have lived amongst you. I know you are kind, intelligent generous people. Why do yoy elect mean-spirited buffoons.

2. The National Energy Program ended over 20 years ago. You can debate whether or not it was what hurt Alberta's economy but even a busted Alberta still looks pretty good to much of the country.

3. To our friends in Calgary, the Olympics also ended over 20 years ago. It was a fun time, there wasn't a lot of snow and we didn't win many medals. There are two ski jumps in the Calgary sky line.

4. What is with the pickup trucks? Pickup trucks are useful if you farm, do landscaping or construction. Jobs where you actually have to carry something in the back of the truck. Otherwise they are the most impractical vehicles around. They have almost no passenger room and without any weight in the box (their normal state) they fishtail wildly on gravel roads. I guess that's why 90% of them never leave the pavement. Oh but you need the extra traction in the winter. I guess that's why so many of them end up in the ditch every winter.

5. And the cowboy hats. There may have been a cowboy culture in Alberta for a few years at the start of the 20th century. It was short lived. I doubt any of those real cowboys wore anything like the cowboy hats people wear today. Talk about the most impractical hat. It blows off in the slightest wind, it is not waterproof and if it gets squished it is ruined, and it gives no protection against cold. I used to wear a cowboy hat all the time. Then I turned 6. If you insist on wearing them, please take them off inside or when you are sitting in front of me at the football game.

6. You like boasting about how cold and snowy our winters are. When are you going to learn to drive in the winter. (For that matter, when are you going to learn to drive period!)

7. There is no Alberta nationality. Most of us are Canadians. Alberta was carved out of the Northwest Territories by a bureaucrat in Ottawa around 1905. He did good by us. He drew the boundary so that we would be living over most of the oil and the other province (Saskatchewan) wouldn't. Thats right we didn't put in oil in the ground, it was given to us by a bureaucrat in Ottawa. And next time Montreal or Toronto are playing the Oilers or Flames look at how many good Albertans are cheering for those Eastern teams.

8. In most of the world redneck is synonymous with white trash. It was a redneck who murdered Martin Luther King. Being a redneck is nothing to be proud of.